It has been a long time since I wrote on this blog...Easter this year, in fact. Nearly six months have passed, from the time I wrote about Brodie's reaction to the Easter story. In that time, we have been told that Brodie may only have 'months' (subsequently revised to 'weeks') to live! Obviously, we have found this news very confronting!
In that time, I have been assailed by a wealth of emotions: I use the term 'assailed' because it has been almost an assault of the senses that I have experienced; I use the term 'wealth' because I recognise that there is a richness, and a depth, to what we are all going through, collectively as a family, and individually.
One of the best descriptions I have come across, to describe the journey of these past few months, is 'dwelling in the gaps'. The sense of this expression is captured in the extract below:
"The more you try to let go, the harder it is to let go. Then we feel incompetent because we can't let go. If we're really dwelling in the gap, we can turn to God and say: "This is what's going on. I'm feeling it right now. I'm going to allow You to be here. I don't have to struggle with control; I can look at what I can learn about this." That's dwelling in the gap. Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes it's hard."
There will no doubt be much hardness ahead; at times, like when Brodie comes into read me my Stephen King novel at night, it will all seem so easy! But the chance to 'dwell in the gaps' means we have to be prepared to live on either side...the good times and the bad, the hard times and the easy ones. It's the stuff in between - the gaps - that help make us who we are.
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